There are Normal Readers and there are Abnormal Readers. We all know what a Normal Reader does: Pick up a book, read a while, eventually finish it, and then lie down to sleep.
But Abnormal Readers…well. These are the readers who understand reading is an experience. They invest. They chew upon the metaphorical bones of stories.
I wanted to define some of the Abnormal Readers, for recognition, and for your comparison. Let me know if any of these sound unsettlingly familiar…
The Obsessive
“I enjoyed this book. Now I must collect every scrap of writing this author has ever released and binge it all like a fourteen-hour Netflix series.”
This is the kind of reader who programs their coffee pot to make more every 4 hours, until they’ve finished the current book. They may or may not hide from the world under a blanket. Must. Keep. Reading.
The Opportunist
An Opportunist sneaks reading whenever they can. Peeking at books on lunch, grabbing out the Kindle on the commuter train, falling silent mid-conversation as they’ve just dipped out to read a few pages.
They always have a book (or Kindle) with them too. Yet you never seem to see them pull it from whatever hidden spot they keep. Maybe that makes them book ninjas?
The Genre-Warper
“This is just like a horror novel!” (It’s not, but that’s what they think.)
Genre-Warping readers make funny inferences in their brain about a story. Those synapses get a workout, streeeeetching way out to link a hairy monster chasing people through an ancient forest to an age-10-and-under video game from 1998.
This is the type of person who also laughs at inappropriate moments in movie theaters.
The Giggle-Snort
Somehow a Giggle-Snort finds more humor in a book than the author put in. Laughing at a scene description, mistaking a deadpan comment for a witty joke. An impressive talent, really!
The Theorist
“What if they were talking about another universe when they said ‘potato sprout’…”
Theorists see connections. Many, many layers of connections. From these, er, “insights” they derive fan theories. Incredible, outrageous fan theories. Some are so fantastic they could even make sense. Others you just find yourself wondering if the Theorist has an old straitjacket buried in their closet.
So which one are you?
I’m betting most of you see yourself reflected in one of these descriptions. Maybe more than one? It’s okay; that’s perfectly fine. I mean, you wouldn’t want to be a…
*shudder*
…’Normal’ reader anyway, would you?
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