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THE UNHELPFUL Q&A for October 2018

Let me introduce you to a great distraction…er, I mean, helpful resource!

No, I said unhelpful in the title. Excuse me a second, need to rewire the cranium.

There, better. Oooh, shiny blobs…

Anyway, these Q&As are great for those questions you never asked. Find answers you never conceived for problems everybody wants!
…I’m not sure that aligned correctly. Oh well. Let’s answer some questions!


What is the nature of reality?

Which? Oh, you mean this one. To laugh at you.

Yes, you. Reality is watching…now take your hand off that.


What’s the meaning of life?

Due to inflation, the meaning of life is now 54.

I like pugs. Pugs are cute.
Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

Why is Instagram so popular?

Define ‘popular.’ Goes well with coffee? Well, I suppose. Gluten-free? Only if the phones are. If you attempt to eat your phone to discern this, please film yourself.
Stalinist-level censorship? Sadly so. I tried to post a photo of an Ouxanic Spirakt, but they flagged it. Too many legs maybe. Not sure. I mean, they’re cute! They have pinchy faces like giant bats, and the legs aren’t that hairy…bah.
Anyway. I guess that makes as much sense as any other explanation.

This is not a Spirakt. This is a brown bat being adorable. Now imagine it with ten jointed legs like a spider, no wings, and, oh, about the size of your dog. See? Cute!
Photo by Todd Cravens on Unsplash

Why do you write?

Somewhere, right now, a soldier lies on the ground, staring up into the sky. His body leaks fluids out of holes in his back, dark rivulets tracing tiny patterns in the soil. His mind drifts out of pain into a hazy wonderment. A miasmic awareness of how many layers of reality every thought stretches across.

One by one, those layers dim. Like a succession of lights in a long hallway shutting off, darkness advances toward him.

Then Jeruka, the Celestial of Plot Twists, dumps a bucket of Regener-X on the soldier and he’s fine.


…Okay, it needs work. But that’s why I’m a writer. See?


What’s that skittering sound?

Oh dear. They’re close. Get out of there, fast!


Published inFiction WritingWrongness